Sarah Talbot

“Movies will make you famous; Television will make you rich; But theatre will make you good.” ― Terrence Mann

Before I get involved with theatrical or musical endeavours, I always seem to go through this process in my mind with main question being “Why the hell do I keep doing this?”. The question is often repeated in my mind throughout the ‘page to stage’ process, and it is often spoken out loud and/or implied by myself and fellow ‘theatre dwellers.’

The anxiety of auditions, the depression of doing a crap job of the audition, the anxiety of waiting for results of the audition. Disappointment that you didn’t get the part, but the elation that you get to be involved in some way. The long rehearsals, the late nights, the sore throat/voice, and sometimes sore body. ‘Tech Week’, affectionately known as ‘hell week’. The ‘high’ that you get whilst performing, keenly followed by the post-show depression. It is an emotional and physical roller coaster, in which a lot of theatrical and performing persons, like myself, repeat over and over again. In short, theatre and music people are completely insane.

I suppose the best way to answer this question is to break the above, down…

• The anxiety of auditions – I always get nervous in preparation for auditions. It’s not like performing a solo to an audience, where they don’t judge you so openly (just behind your back). An audition is a decision-making process, and thus judgements have to be made on your voice, acting, and capacity for choreography. I try to remember that it is a process that has to be done. Still doesn’t curb the nerves though.
• The depression of doing a crap job of the audition – everyone tends to revert to the default answer of a crap audition when asked “How’d it go?” Some people have been pleasantly surprised when they get a part. If anything, it’s a learning experience of different methods used in the audition process. Let’s face it, each production team knows what they are looking for, and if you’re not what they want, then that’s that.
• The anxiety of waiting for results of the audition – social media comes alive at this point. The ‘OMG waiting is so hard’ comments start popping up in everyone’s feeds on FaceBook, Twitter, etc. It’s the time when you wish that the whole ordeal was over. Then after the announcements have been made by the production team that the audition process is complete, social media becomes the hunt for who got what part. In a way, we anxiously social stalk each other, to find out info, goss, etc.
• Disappointment that you didn’t get the part – with every triumph, there is disappointment. There are always those who will be disappointed. Then it comes to making hard decisions as to whether one continues to be involved with the project. You find a few will drop out at this time, which is fair enough if they have other projects and commitments. Amateur theatre does not pay for cast, so priorities need to be determined by each individual before continuing on this journey.
• The elation that you get to be involved in some way – in most productions, I have only been in the chorus and/or backstage singers (until this past year, when I had a small part in one production  and was in a showcase ensemble for another). For me, it is an opportunity to practice my ‘craft’, learn new skills, and build a professional reputation with my fellow actors, singers, dancers, performers, etc. Even in amateur theatre, one should work in maintaining a good reputation. You never know what opportunities may come along.
• The long rehearsals – the arduous process of rehearsing. Starts out quite long, as you try to cram as much music, singing, and choreography into a finite amount of time. At this time, everyone knows when the show is due to be onstage for audiences. 
• The late nights – as time runs out, the nights get longer. At this point, I have found the best places to have ‘micro naps’. The alternative is that I develop a profound and noticeable addiction to caffeine (Thank goodness for Zarrafas Coffee). 
• The sore throat/voice – exhaustion sets in. Some cast members start to ‘crash’ and you start to get selection of colds, flus and injuries. You learn how to ward these off with herbals, and looking after yourself if you do happen to ‘crash’.
• The sore body – for someone who is not a dancer, anything that involves a large amount movement is like going to a gym session. Plus side is that I get fit, without having to pay for gym membership. Still a challenge when you wake up the following morning and your body aches from head to toe. Knowing that you have to go to your day job, and then go to rehearsal afterwards to repeat what you did the night before. After doing 3 shows last year, I had abs and biceps (laugh).
• Tech Week – in my theatre and musical circle, this is called “hell week”. I’m sure it is called the same or similar in other groups. This is a period where all departments come together to put the show into its final form. It’s the co-ordination of costume, sound, lighting, orchestra, production team, onstage and backstage cast, set construction, and effect/staging team. Cast also have a fast learning period of trying to work out makeup, and when they need to do costume changes, and dress rehearsals. It is also a period of a lot of cuss words, frustrations, frayed tempers and stress. ‘Memes’ start to appear on the company Facebook page to try keep morale up, or to rub salt into the wounds…It is also a period of exceptionally late nights and tired work days. As stressful as this period sounds, it is also the most productive time of getting ‘the page to the stage’, where everyone can see the dream becoming a reality.
• The ‘high’ that you get whilst performing – the energy is incomparable when performing live to audiences, whether that be onstage or backstage. Performing to an audience is like being surrounded by energy of your peers and the audience. It is electric. If the audience is engaged, you can feel it. This is further enhanced if you have a standing ovation at the end. When you’re done, you have trouble sleeping cause of the exhilaration and thrill of it all. I have often heard that the ‘high’ you get whilst performing is like a drug addiction, which probably explains the next dot point…
• The post-show depression – the curtain falls for the final time, and you’ve had the after party were you enjoyed the company of this particular group of people for the last time. A few days later, you find that you are missing the company of people, the late night rehearsals, and for some; the lack of caffeine. There is this ’emptiness’ that something is missing; mainly due to the lack of a ‘high’, the lack of anything to do, and the profound loneliness. This is often expressed on social media with a lot of teary emoticons, and a smattering of “after-the-after-party” parties. You also discover that you have formed close friendships (and sometimes relationships) with people, and realise what they mean to you, as you mean to them.

So in answering the question “Why the hell do I keep doing this?”. The simple answer is that I LOVE DOING IT!!

– I have very close group of friends, of whom I trust

– I maybe sleep deprived and body weary, but I am soul enriched, and artistically challenged in every very project I undertake.

– It is an opportunity to work at my craft in theatre, and embrace new aspects of performance.

– I may not get paid to perform, but I learn so much in performing both what happens onstage and what happens backstage.

– And perhaps I enjoy the ‘high’ a little. Ok, I like it a lot.

In conclusion, we are all ‘suckers for punishment’…(laugh).

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